wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
