You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We don't watch enough power rangers
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
