I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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