Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
