it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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