sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
