Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
