I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
