never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
