D3 body, D1 cock
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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