The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
