I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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