I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
