I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
