why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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