a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize