Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
