When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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