I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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