Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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