i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
