Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize