hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
