My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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