I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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