I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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