We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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