the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
