I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
