Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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