Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
