During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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