Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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