his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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