Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm both gender and math confused
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