3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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