it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
