And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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