just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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