he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
