He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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