he told me I talked like a deaf person
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
