What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
