:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
