so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
