the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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