i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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