Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
