I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
