I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
