T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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