Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
