He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
