you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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