when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
