He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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