Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
