their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm going to jail i love you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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