Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
