ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
