my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
