i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
