dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
