The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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