apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
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However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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