My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
