Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
