Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
