Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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