id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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