i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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